Monday, July 2, 2012

Trouble...

I've been having a lot of trouble in my walk with God lately.
I haven't lost the faith, but I've just stopped caring.
I know that is awful, and I need to work on changing that back around.
I can see how much this lack of passion for God has affected my life.
I can see it in almost everything I do, but I don't even know where to start on getting back on that path.
I think fear is the main thing holding me back
I'm so afraid about what God wants from me and how He is going to get it.
I'm so comfortable in my life and I'm afraid to change that.
I'm afraid His plans for me won't line up with where I truly want my life to lead.
I want a husband and a family, that is the main thing I want from life, but what if He doesn't want that for me?
And I know it's so dumb for me to think like that, but I don't really know how not to.
The main thing is to lean on Him and trust in His ways, but I am such a control freak.
I always want control in all of my plans and it's extremely hard for me to just hand it all over.
That's the main thing I really need to work on, trusting in the Lord.
I have always had trust issues and I need to find a way to let that go and let God in.
This past year, I have been working so hard on my relationship with God, but have had so much trouble getting over that one thing. Trust.
This summer, God has let me kind of go my own way and realize that I was missing the trust in our relationship.
Trust is the most important factor in any relationship, and I think it can be one of the hardest ones to develop. But why not trust in God, He made all of us and He knows the desires He put in your heart. Why not trust Him, when He knows us better than we know ourselves? I think this is something I constantly forget or choose to push aside, so that I can have control.
God did me a huge favor by allowing me to learn this lesson. I know God has been working hard on my heart and molding it. I know God has my back, and I need to remember that.
Trust Him.


Has God been teaching you anything lately?

xoxo,
jamie brooke

2 Comments:

kerrinchance said...

Hi Jamie.
Thank you for being so real & open in this post. I think every godly women goes through this period in her life. As I was reading your words, I keep saying to myself "I've felt that", "I've thought that", "Oh, I've felt that too!" haha
I while back I was having a conversation with a friend of mine on this very subject. We we're sharing our fears about our future dreams, more specifically our longing to be married & I said “what if marriage isn’t in God’s plan for my life?” My friend looked at me and said, “you doubt the goodness of God!”
What she meant was, “you don’t believe that God is good enough to give you the desires that HE wrote on your heart”. That statement shook me to my core. She was right, I doubted God’s goodness. I’ve grown up in church my whole life, my father is a worship leader & I have a biblical background but I still didn’t know the real heart of God towards me. It’s not about how much we love Him. It’s about how much He loves us. I just want to encourage you to dive into the Bible & ask the Lord to reveal His true heart towards you. He is so good Jamie & He longs to give you the desires of your heart. After all, He put them there so they wouldn’t be your desires unless He gave them to you. “Blessed is she who believed that there would a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord” - Luke 1:45. Hold tight to the promises of God. He is so faithful!
- Kerrin

jamie brooke said...

@kerrinchance, thank you so much for your response Kerrin! You have no idea how much your wise words mean to me! It's nice to know I'm not the only one with these thoughts and I love that bible verse you posted. It is going on my mirror for me to remember!

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